Please Come to Women In the Battle

Our ministry at New Life is all about life change.  We help people who are in pain, confused, stuck, and don’t know where to turn.  Sometimes we help people change their trajectory in life a few degrees, and sometimes it’s a 180-degree change.  We don’t pretend that changing trajectory and living the life God has for you is easy, nor is it a one-time thing.  But God doesn’t want you to live in the pain and confusion any longer.

He’s waiting for you to do what you’ve been waiting for Him to do.  You want things to get better, for the pain, anger and confusion to go away—and so does He.  But our faith is proven by our taking steps not seeing the end, but knowing it’s there and God will honor the steps we take.

You’ve suffered the pain of betrayal, and I hope you’re working through it.  Whether your marriage has survived or not, we want to, and can, help you.  Guys make decisions to behave in a way they shouldn’t—they cross a line that they can’t take back and it’s hurt you deeply.  They’ve gone to Every Man’s Battle and hopefully their lives are different and they’ve restored or are in the process of restoring their integrity.

But you’re still hurting!

Usually it’s the case that you discovered his sexual and emotional indiscretions and you’ve been living with a hole in your heart—you’ve been angry, sad, confused, ashamed . . . wondering,  “Why?  What did I do?  What should I have done?  What didn’t I do?  What’s wrong with me?  How could he do such a thing?  What was he thinking?”  On and on the questions go.

Maybe it’s been years and the pain is still there, as is the anger, confusion and shame.  Or maybe it’s fairly new and you’re feeling paralyzed  And you have no one you feel safe talking to.

But it was his problem and his actions and his stupid decision—not mine!”  That’s a common thought of the wife whose husband has acted out sexually.  So you don’t think it’s your problem and probably had the thought: “He just needs to go take care of his issue and we’ll be fine.

But there’s so much more to it than that.  It’s why we created the Women in the Battle intensive workshop.  Dr. Sheri Keffer, one of my radio co-hosts and the speaker at Women in the Battle has a special message for you.  Just watch her invitation video below.

You’ll be glad you watched this—Sheri has been where you are and knows exactly what you’re feeling, and she wants to help you.  Watch this video and take the step to healing God wants for you.




Steve Arterburn

Would You Please Help?

Dear Friend of New Life,

When we look at where we are financially today, and what we estimate our income will be in the next few days, with our matching gift and regular giving, we’re projecting that we’ll need $31,000 donated above and beyond regular giving in order to meet our monthly obligations this month and not fall behind and possibly jeopardize our ability to remain on all our radio outlets around the country with New Life Live.

Would you be willing to make a gift towards this $31,000 that we need by Friday this week? Your gift will be matched. If you give $10, New Life will realize $20. If you give $100, New life will realize $200. If you give $1,000, New Life will realize $2,000. You see how it works.

The reason we want to raise this money by this time is that we want to continue to reach hurting people with healing, hope and life transformation. We hear from people in all areas of ministry whose lives will never be the same. Like:

  • Mary, who wrote in that 8 years ago she was steeped in depression and contemplating suicide, but because of what she heard on our radio program, New Life Live, she went out and got help from a counselor and her life changed forever! She is fully engaged in life, she’s going to school to become a licensed counselor and she can’t believe that 8 years ago she was contemplating suicide. Would she be alive today if our radio program wasn’t there?
  • Henry shared at an Every Man’s Battle workshop that because of what he learned on Friday night at the workshop, on Saturday morning when he spoke to his wife on the phone and learned that his 11 year-old-son, crying in the background, disclosed to his mom that for a year now he’s been looking at porn, Henry, who was at the workshop because he was deep into porn for 20 years, could speak words of affirmation and love to his son that he never received from his dad, and that his son desperately needed. Two lives were touched deeply that weekend because Henry took the step to come to that workshop. Where would this family be if New Life wasn’t there for Henry to attend that workshop.
  • Bruce and Charlene’s marriage was in trouble. They argued, Bruce had anger issues, they were struggling in getting on the same page in parenting, and on and on. They called New Life and found a counselor near them, and today, almost ten years later they credit that New Life counselor with saving their marriage. Would their marriage be another divorce statistic if they didn’t know about New Life’s counseling network?

There is story after story of life change that God makes happen because we set the stage and present His principles for living and for resolving conflict and emotional issues we each face day to day.

Please support New Life with a gift TODAY so we can meet this month-end obligation. Your gift will be multiplied by two!

Thank you for partnering with us.



Larry Sonnenburg

How Do You Know Your Husband Is Changing?

You’re in an emotionally destructive marriage, and you started to get help with it, but how do you know if your spouse is changing? Today, Leslie Vernick is giving you some tips and signs to look for, when wondering if they’re doing the work! Click here to watch this video by Leslie Vernick.


Get Leslie’s books, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage or The Emotionally Destructive Relationship in our store.

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What is an Emotionally Destructive Marriage?

People make mistakes and cause hurt in every relationship. But you can see if a marriage is healthy by how partners react when something goes wrong. Learn more about how to grow healthier connections on New Life TV.  Click here to watch this video by Leslie Vernick.


Get Leslie’s books, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage or The Emotionally Destructive Relationship in our store.

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Happy Easter

Please take a moment to listen to this wonderful story from Steve Arterburn, about his daughter Madeline when she was a little girl, and how it relates to Easter.

We would like to wish you a very Happy Easter, and hope this weekend you’ll find a church to attend to hear a message of hope in what Christ accomplished on that first Easter.


Finding Your Adult Voice

Have you developed your voice? Do you speak your mind and your heart? Do you do it in a respectful and well-meaning way? Today, Dr. Sheri Keffer and Milan Yerkovich are discussing how to develop this voice, but also how being able to say what you need and feel, may come with a price! Click here to watch the video.


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Watch Steve Preach at Northview Church


Click here to watch Steve preach on the Healing is a Choice sermon series at Northview Church in Indiana, live on Sundays. Come back Mondays for the archived version.

Sunday, March 6th:

Choice – with Steve Poe

Those who make the choice to heal will not experience the fullness of healing, and God’s purpose for it, unless it all culminates in the choice to comfort those who need it. It is in that service that we partner with God and discover his purpose for our pain and our lives. This changes us but not the reality of life which will bring us many challenges and struggles. Through those difficulties we are called to preserve, calling upon God to give us strength, and to stay in community with others who can support us and help us in the toughest of times. It all begins with making the choice to enter the healing process every day, one day at a time.

Sunday, February 28th:

feb28-riskRisk – with Steve Arterburn
Trying to eliminate risk is the biggest risk of all because it disconnects us with life. We are never in total control of our future and what might be ahead. Perhaps the biggest risk is the risk to forgive. It is never easy to let go of our bitterness and resentment because, when we do, all that is left to focus on are our own defects. But, when we take the risk to forgive we are finally free.


Sunday, February 20th:

feb21-brokenBreaking – with Steve Arterburn

Pain in the present must be cross referenced with pain in the past. If we have a painful secret we tried to bury, that secret is not dead. It is alive and loud and demands to be heard. It will follow us and hurt us until we finally use the tool of grief that God has provided for us and that enables us to let go of whatever has a hold on us. We grieve the past so we no longer have to feel it with intensity in the present. We let go of what was, and what might have been, so we can embrace the reality of what is and what is to be.


Sunday, February 14th:

feb14-connectionConnections – with Dr. John Townsend

Often we think plan A is for God to just heal us instantly and deliver us from whatever is troubling us. But no one was ever instantly delivered into character and Godliness. That comes through connecting with others who can teach us, encourage us and even point out where we need some help. We can refuse help, believing all we need is a Bible and God, but God tells us to open up to each other and pray for each other and together experience healing. We need each other, and we need to discover what else might be available to help us grow and heal. We can either stay the same or start the search.


Sunday, February 7th:

feb7-true-truthTrue Truth – with Steve Arterburn

Just because someone says they want to get well does not mean they actually are willing to get up and walk. That’s why Jesus asked a man if he wanted a different life after laying around for over 30 years. God wants healing for us, but we have to choose it, not just once, but every day. Every day we must choose to feel the reality in which we live rather than deny or delay dealing with the pain we feel. We also must choose to search for the truth about ourselves. Everyone has a story but it may not be the true truth. We can act like we don’t feel the pain and choose to never look back. If we do, we will find our lives more fake full than faithful and our relationship with God stale and stagnate.

Do you want to start a group at your church? Click below for more information:

Healing is a Choice
Life Recovery

What Have You Got to Lose?

There are many burdens that weigh us down, like the need to control, unrealistic expectations or getting trapped in the past. Let’s take a look at some of these rocks we carry and see if it’s time to surrender them to God’s grace. Click here to watch the video.


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‘Affluenza’ Teen, 7 Ways to Prevent this Parenting Tragedy

‘Affluenza’ teen: Seven ways you can prevent this parenting tragedy from happening at home

By Dr. John Townsend
affluenza-teenEthan Crouch is back in the news.

In 2013, the Texas teenager killed four people and seriously injured two while drunk driving. On top of this tragedy, he was then treated leniently by the court because he was described as having “affluenza,” meaning that being raised indulgently by wealthy parents, he was not responsible for his actions. There was a media uproar by people angered by both the young man’s actions and by the lack of appropriately severe consequences for the devastation he created.

Now, in a bizarre development, Ethan and his mother have disappeared after he failed to report to his probation officer. The juvenile-justice equivalent of an arrest warrant has been issued for him.

If you are a parent, you are probably somewhat dismayed and frustrated by the levels of dysfunction that appear to exist in the young man and in his family. And you are most likely also concerned about your own kids, and how to inoculate them from whatever emotional conditions Ethan is truly experiencing.

I cannot diagnose Ethan’s psychological state, not having interviewed him for a clinical evaluation. But the attitudes and behaviors that are ascribed to him in the media loosely fit patterns of a condition called entitlement, which is an aspect of a narcissistic personality disorder. In my new book “The Entitlement Cure,” I define entitlement as two attitudes: (1) denying responsibility for one’s choices, and (2) demanding special treatment. The combination is destructive. The first one almost guarantees life and career failures, and the second one, relational shipwrecks.

All of us parents want healthy and successful kids. We don’t want a bad ending as is happening so far in the Crouch family. So what can we do today, to keep even a trace of this sort of tragedy from occurring in the four walls of our homes? Here are some parenting tips that will go a long way in protecting your child from contracting the disease of entitlement. Click here to watch John on Fox News.

1. Combine love and limits. Research says that the two most important factors in raising healthy children are warmth (positive nurturance) and structure (boundaries and consequences). Children need to know they are loved unconditionally and that their parents are engaged emotionally with them. This gives them the security, safety and confidence they need to begin to face life. At the same time, clear house rules and age-appropriate consequences provide a predictable structure and path for life, helping them to focus, stay on task, curb their impulses and develop a work ethic. When parents nurture but neglect structure, the child can develop a sense of entitlement, translated as “I can do what I feel like when I feel like it”, which is a recipe for disaster.

2. Praise that which requires effort. Children need praise, which fills them up inside, helps their self image and fuels more positive behavior. But praise those behaviors which require some work and which show character development. For example:

  • I saw how kind you were to your brother today
  • You worked hard on your homework, even when you wanted to play
  • I’m proud of how you volunteered to help set the table
  • You admitted you were wrong in the fight, and that showed me that you are a really honest person
  • Conversely, avoid praising external attributed or natural giftedness, which the child didn’t do anything to have. For example:
  • You are so good looking!
  • Your smile is so charming
  • You don’t have to work at math, you are naturally great at it
  • You are a fantastic gymnast (unless you add: “and you practice diligently every day”)

This second sort of empty praise can cause a psychological conflict in the child, which is that the “real me” is starved and the “grandiose me” is fed. At a deep level, the child feels only valued for what isn’t real, which then creates not only entitlement, but a sense of being a fraud. Stick to affirming what is substantive in your child.

3. Distinguish between “special” and “unique.” “Special” can be a double-edged word, and needs to be used carefully with our kids. While our children are indeed special to us, the meaning can blur into “therefore I deserve special treatment”, which moves your boy or girl into prince-or-princess territory, which you definitely don’t want. The word “unique” is better, as it helps your kid see that there is no one like her, but you don’t have the shadings of entitlement underneath it. Statements such as “Your combination of humor and seriousness is one-of-a-kind” or “I love how no other kid I know can study hard and play hard like you do” are helpful and create more security in your child.

4. Be “for”, but don’t collude with your child. While we need to want what is best for our child (the “for” stance), we may have to also stand against him when he is at fault. Kids do not flourish when we defend them when they are wrong, which is what collusion is. For example:

  • Consider that his teacher may be right about his negative behavior
  • Be open to the coach saying that he needs to focus more and stop screwing around
  • Listen to other parents when they say he is disruptive in their homes
  • Pay attention to what the police say when they bring him home from a party

The attitude of “my kid, right or wrong” simply leads straight to the attitude of “I don’t have to take responsibility for my actions.” You are always your child’s advocate, but an advocate for growth and responsibility, not escaping life.

5. Distinguish between “acceptance” and “approval.” This is a huge area for parents. We all know the damage that can be caused by acceptance based on performance and conditions. It’s horrible. For a child to feel accepted only when she behaves in a desired way can cause psychological and relational issues, such as depression, anxiety and negative relationships. Kids desperately need to know that they are acceptable to you, even when they fail, give up and disappoint you.

However, this is very different from approval. While acceptance is about the person, approval is about the behavior. It is not acceptable, for example, to:

  • Hurt your sibling
  • Neglect your homework
  • Refuse your chores
  • Be disrespectful of others
  • Break curfew
  • Drink and take substances

6. We parents must disapprove, so our kids will know right from wrong. It is where they learn how to behave in society. Be the front line of what is approved and what is not approved. Don’t wait for a teacher, an employer or your child’s future spouse to have to show her. Always accept who your kid is, and show her what is approved and what is disapproved, at the same time.

7. Have them develop empathy. One of the most important parenting tasks is helping our kids learn to feel empathy for others. Empathy is the ability to see how we affect others’ feelings, both positive and negative. When your child feels a sense of remorse for being unkind to another, you are doing a great job!

Entitled children have a deficit in empathy, meaning that they don’t feel how much they hurt others by their behavior. When they hit another kid and get caught, they are more concerned about getting caught than about how they made the other child feel.

Dr. John Townsend is the New York Times bestselling author of “Boundaries” and the newly released, “The Entitlement Cure: Finding Success In Doing Hard Things the Right Way” (Zondervan, October 2015), and co-host of the radio program, New Life Live.


An Amazing Year!

It’s been an amazing year! I’ve been to Brazil, Ireland, and Nebraska this year—I like to joke I’ve been to three foreign countries!

In Brazil I met with and spoke to a transformation ministry, and I saw the impact of our Life Recovery Bible and material all the way to South America! While I was in Ireland with New Life I met with counselors who told me of the impact New Life has on them in their counseling practices—all the way across the ocean! And in North Platte, Nebraska, I learned that this community was saturated with the impact of New Life—it’s how God is working in that community. A weathered farmer with worn, rough, leather-like hands shook my hand and said, “You changed my life!

At Women of Faith this year, women came up to me and told me time and again, “My life is not the life it would be had it not been for New Life! Thank you!

Dave Stoop knows a pastor in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania who said to him, “New Life gave me a PhD in my pastoral counseling practice,” meaning, what he learned from us at New Life was as meaningful and practical as if he’d gone and obtained his PhD.

I hear it, too, from you who watch New Life TV and learn so much from it. It’s no joke when we repeat what viewers have told us, “It’s like therapy on demand!

We hear it over and over. We see the results of God’s Spirit moving in the lives of people we connect with to help them experience, “ . . . the renewing of your mind,” that the apostle Paul talks about in Romans 12:2.

If you’ve been helped, or you’ve seen a change in the life of a loved one or friend, we need help this year end . . . the last couple days of 2015. Your gift will help us continue to be “Hope in the Storm, and Help in the Struggle.”

There’s time still to make a tax deductible gift, and here’s how—one of these three ways:

1) Call 800-639-5433 (NEW-LIFE) and make your gift over the phone before midnight (Central Standard Time) December 31.
2) Click here and make your gift on-line before midnight (Central Standard Time) December 31.
3) Mail your gift to New Life, P.O. Box 1029, Lake Forest, CA 92609 and make sure your letter has a December postmark. Anything postmarked in January, 2016 will be receipted in 2016 and not eligible for a tax deduction in 2015.

As a thank you gift for a gift of $100 or more, we’ll send you a beautiful, navy blue, New Life blanket, but you have to either make your gift over the phone or include a note with your mailed in gift that you want the blanket. The blanket is so soft that my son, Solomon, when he felt it said, “Dad, heaven is for real!We’re unable to make this offer for online gifts, so be sure to call in if you want to get the blanket, or make a note with your gift you mail in.

I pray that 2016 will be your best year ever, and that God’s blessing will be on you.

Thank you for your year-end gift.

Steve Arterburn
Ephesians 3:20