Watch Steve Preach at Northview Church

 

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Click here to watch Steve preach on the Healing is a Choice sermon series at Northview Church in Indiana, live on Sundays.

True Truth

Just because someone says they want to get well does not mean they actually are willing to get up and walk. That’s why Jesus asked a man if he wanted a different life after laying around for over 30 years. God wants healing for us, but we have to choose it, not just once, but every day. Every day we must choose to feel the reality in which we live rather than deny or delay dealing with the pain we feel. We also must choose to search for the truth about ourselves. Everyone has a story but it may not be the true truth. We can act like we don’t feel the pain and choose to never look back. If we do, we will find our lives more fake full than faithful and our relationship with God stale and stagnate.

 

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Healing is a Choice
Life Recovery

What Have You Got to Lose?

There are many burdens that weigh us down, like the need to control, unrealistic expectations or getting trapped in the past. Let’s take a look at some of these rocks we carry and see if it’s time to surrender them to God’s grace. Click here to watch the video.

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‘Affluenza’ Teen, 7 Ways to Prevent this Parenting Tragedy

‘Affluenza’ teen: Seven ways you can prevent this parenting tragedy from happening at home

By Dr. John Townsend
affluenza-teenEthan Crouch is back in the news.

In 2013, the Texas teenager killed four people and seriously injured two while drunk driving. On top of this tragedy, he was then treated leniently by the court because he was described as having “affluenza,” meaning that being raised indulgently by wealthy parents, he was not responsible for his actions. There was a media uproar by people angered by both the young man’s actions and by the lack of appropriately severe consequences for the devastation he created.

Now, in a bizarre development, Ethan and his mother have disappeared after he failed to report to his probation officer. The juvenile-justice equivalent of an arrest warrant has been issued for him.

If you are a parent, you are probably somewhat dismayed and frustrated by the levels of dysfunction that appear to exist in the young man and in his family. And you are most likely also concerned about your own kids, and how to inoculate them from whatever emotional conditions Ethan is truly experiencing.

I cannot diagnose Ethan’s psychological state, not having interviewed him for a clinical evaluation. But the attitudes and behaviors that are ascribed to him in the media loosely fit patterns of a condition called entitlement, which is an aspect of a narcissistic personality disorder. In my new book “The Entitlement Cure,” I define entitlement as two attitudes: (1) denying responsibility for one’s choices, and (2) demanding special treatment. The combination is destructive. The first one almost guarantees life and career failures, and the second one, relational shipwrecks.

All of us parents want healthy and successful kids. We don’t want a bad ending as is happening so far in the Crouch family. So what can we do today, to keep even a trace of this sort of tragedy from occurring in the four walls of our homes? Here are some parenting tips that will go a long way in protecting your child from contracting the disease of entitlement. Click here to watch John on Fox News.
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1. Combine love and limits. Research says that the two most important factors in raising healthy children are warmth (positive nurturance) and structure (boundaries and consequences). Children need to know they are loved unconditionally and that their parents are engaged emotionally with them. This gives them the security, safety and confidence they need to begin to face life. At the same time, clear house rules and age-appropriate consequences provide a predictable structure and path for life, helping them to focus, stay on task, curb their impulses and develop a work ethic. When parents nurture but neglect structure, the child can develop a sense of entitlement, translated as “I can do what I feel like when I feel like it”, which is a recipe for disaster.

2. Praise that which requires effort. Children need praise, which fills them up inside, helps their self image and fuels more positive behavior. But praise those behaviors which require some work and which show character development. For example:

  • I saw how kind you were to your brother today
  • You worked hard on your homework, even when you wanted to play
  • I’m proud of how you volunteered to help set the table
  • You admitted you were wrong in the fight, and that showed me that you are a really honest person
  • Conversely, avoid praising external attributed or natural giftedness, which the child didn’t do anything to have. For example:
  • You are so good looking!
  • Your smile is so charming
  • You don’t have to work at math, you are naturally great at it
  • You are a fantastic gymnast (unless you add: “and you practice diligently every day”)

This second sort of empty praise can cause a psychological conflict in the child, which is that the “real me” is starved and the “grandiose me” is fed. At a deep level, the child feels only valued for what isn’t real, which then creates not only entitlement, but a sense of being a fraud. Stick to affirming what is substantive in your child.

3. Distinguish between “special” and “unique.” “Special” can be a double-edged word, and needs to be used carefully with our kids. While our children are indeed special to us, the meaning can blur into “therefore I deserve special treatment”, which moves your boy or girl into prince-or-princess territory, which you definitely don’t want. The word “unique” is better, as it helps your kid see that there is no one like her, but you don’t have the shadings of entitlement underneath it. Statements such as “Your combination of humor and seriousness is one-of-a-kind” or “I love how no other kid I know can study hard and play hard like you do” are helpful and create more security in your child.

4. Be “for”, but don’t collude with your child. While we need to want what is best for our child (the “for” stance), we may have to also stand against him when he is at fault. Kids do not flourish when we defend them when they are wrong, which is what collusion is. For example:

  • Consider that his teacher may be right about his negative behavior
  • Be open to the coach saying that he needs to focus more and stop screwing around
  • Listen to other parents when they say he is disruptive in their homes
  • Pay attention to what the police say when they bring him home from a party

The attitude of “my kid, right or wrong” simply leads straight to the attitude of “I don’t have to take responsibility for my actions.” You are always your child’s advocate, but an advocate for growth and responsibility, not escaping life.

5. Distinguish between “acceptance” and “approval.” This is a huge area for parents. We all know the damage that can be caused by acceptance based on performance and conditions. It’s horrible. For a child to feel accepted only when she behaves in a desired way can cause psychological and relational issues, such as depression, anxiety and negative relationships. Kids desperately need to know that they are acceptable to you, even when they fail, give up and disappoint you.

However, this is very different from approval. While acceptance is about the person, approval is about the behavior. It is not acceptable, for example, to:

  • Hurt your sibling
  • Neglect your homework
  • Refuse your chores
  • Be disrespectful of others
  • Break curfew
  • Drink and take substances

6. We parents must disapprove, so our kids will know right from wrong. It is where they learn how to behave in society. Be the front line of what is approved and what is not approved. Don’t wait for a teacher, an employer or your child’s future spouse to have to show her. Always accept who your kid is, and show her what is approved and what is disapproved, at the same time.

7. Have them develop empathy. One of the most important parenting tasks is helping our kids learn to feel empathy for others. Empathy is the ability to see how we affect others’ feelings, both positive and negative. When your child feels a sense of remorse for being unkind to another, you are doing a great job!

Entitled children have a deficit in empathy, meaning that they don’t feel how much they hurt others by their behavior. When they hit another kid and get caught, they are more concerned about getting caught than about how they made the other child feel.

Dr. John Townsend is the New York Times bestselling author of “Boundaries” and the newly released, “The Entitlement Cure: Finding Success In Doing Hard Things the Right Way” (Zondervan, October 2015), and co-host of the radio program, New Life Live.

 

An Amazing Year!

It’s been an amazing year! I’ve been to Brazil, Ireland, and Nebraska this year—I like to joke I’ve been to three foreign countries!

In Brazil I met with and spoke to a transformation ministry, and I saw the impact of our Life Recovery Bible and material all the way to South America! While I was in Ireland with New Life I met with counselors who told me of the impact New Life has on them in their counseling practices—all the way across the ocean! And in North Platte, Nebraska, I learned that this community was saturated with the impact of New Life—it’s how God is working in that community. A weathered farmer with worn, rough, leather-like hands shook my hand and said, “You changed my life!

At Women of Faith this year, women came up to me and told me time and again, “My life is not the life it would be had it not been for New Life! Thank you!

Dave Stoop knows a pastor in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania who said to him, “New Life gave me a PhD in my pastoral counseling practice,” meaning, what he learned from us at New Life was as meaningful and practical as if he’d gone and obtained his PhD.

I hear it, too, from you who watch New Life TV and learn so much from it. It’s no joke when we repeat what viewers have told us, “It’s like therapy on demand!

We hear it over and over. We see the results of God’s Spirit moving in the lives of people we connect with to help them experience, “ . . . the renewing of your mind,” that the apostle Paul talks about in Romans 12:2.

If you’ve been helped, or you’ve seen a change in the life of a loved one or friend, we need help this year end . . . the last couple days of 2015. Your gift will help us continue to be “Hope in the Storm, and Help in the Struggle.”

There’s time still to make a tax deductible gift, and here’s how—one of these three ways:

1) Call 800-639-5433 (NEW-LIFE) and make your gift over the phone before midnight (Central Standard Time) December 31.
2) Click here and make your gift on-line before midnight (Central Standard Time) December 31.
3) Mail your gift to New Life, P.O. Box 1029, Lake Forest, CA 92609 and make sure your letter has a December postmark. Anything postmarked in January, 2016 will be receipted in 2016 and not eligible for a tax deduction in 2015.

As a thank you gift for a gift of $100 or more, we’ll send you a beautiful, navy blue, New Life blanket, but you have to either make your gift over the phone or include a note with your mailed in gift that you want the blanket. The blanket is so soft that my son, Solomon, when he felt it said, “Dad, heaven is for real!We’re unable to make this offer for online gifts, so be sure to call in if you want to get the blanket, or make a note with your gift you mail in.

I pray that 2016 will be your best year ever, and that God’s blessing will be on you.

Thank you for your year-end gift.

Steve Arterburn
Founder
Ephesians 3:20

Enjoy this Christmas Greeting From Steve & New Life Ministries

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Steve Arterburn recorded a special Christmas greeting, including a song, for you, our New Life family. Hope you enjoy!

2015 Christmas Host Videos

Enjoy these videos as each of our hosts share a memory of someone that has been impacted by New Life and their story has stuck with each of them.

Steve Arterburn
Dr. Henry Cloud Dr. Jill Hubbard
Dr. Sheri Keffer Jason Martinkus
Dr. Dave Stoop Dr. John Townsend
Chris Williams Milan Yerkovich

Being More Than Thankful

Steve Arterburn recently preached at Northview Church in Indianapolis, the 2nd fastest growing church in America.

Steve’s message tells you how to live out the law of love, and as only Steve can do, with a blend of humor and insight into principles God lays out in Scripture.

It’s a perfect message to keep you on track to live a life of thankfulness in the new year.

If you are thankful for the transformational work that God does through New Life, click here to make a donation.

 

There’s a short instrumental intro that leads to this powerful mesage!

Beyond Thanksgiving from New Life Live on Vimeo.

How Can He Really Love Me?

When a woman is dealing with a husband who has lied to her about sexual integrity issues, she is devastated. When she hears him say how much he still loves her, sometimes she just can’t believe it. Jason Martinkus, leader of our Every Man’s Battle Workshop, gives his view as a man in recovery. Click here to watch the video from tv.newlife.com.

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The Every Man’s Battle Workshop is this weekend in Denver, CO. If you know someone who needs to attend, call our Resource Center at 800-639-5433 for more information.

Control Emotional Eating Before the Holidays

Emotional eating can lead you to a path of overindulgence that is just as bad for you as many other addictions. Milan Yerkovich, Dr. Jill Hubbard and Steve Arterburn are talking about how to stop using food as a way to respond to your feelings.  Click here to watch the video from New Life TV.steve-milan-jill

Get more from tv.newlife.com and sign up for our Lose it for Life workshop coming in January, 2016.

The Effects of Betrayal

We receive some amazing emails from women after they attend our Women in the Battle workshops. These women have been suffering after being hurt by men with sexual integrity issues. In one special weekend, they are released from pain and are able to heal deep wounds of betrayal. We am so grateful to be part of these transformations. Watch this video as Steve shares some of the emails we’ve received.

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The next workshop is November 13-15th in Washington DC. Call to register now! 800-639-5433.

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