New Life LIVE: September 28, 2026

Welcome to the New Life Live podcast.

We hope to provide help and hope in your life through God’s Word, counselors, and psychologists as we answer questions from listeners who call with the challenges of life. Let’s go to today’s episode. Hello, everyone. Welcome to New Life Live. I’m your host, Brian Perez, and we’re going to be in the studio for two hours today. So, start calling in now if you want to talk about grief or substance abuse and addiction, or maybe you’re feeling on edge about something, we’d love to talk to you about it. 1-800-229-3000 is our number. We’ve got licensed marriage and family therapist Mark Cameron here today. He’s also an author of a book called Understanding Your Attachment Style. He also leads How We Love. And Becky Brown is here too. She’s a licensed professional clinical counselor and also the president of New Life Ministries. Becky, hello, welcome. And what’s on your mind to start us off? Well, I’m first of all, I’m a little distracted because you have stripes and I have polka dots. So mean, just something new on TV. And you’re assaulted. You’re being in the middle there, like Oreos, but that’s not what’s on my mind. But really, I’m wondering what’s on your mind. I mean, really, what are we thinking about? What are you concerned for, dwelling on, frustrated about, or maybe overwhelmed. If you’re like me, and many of you are, you immediately go into fix-it mode. What can I do? Who knows the way? Why hasn’t it worked? And sometimes we get stuck in the why hasn’t it worked. We’ve tried everything or it feels like we’ve tried everything and the thing that we can’t get off our mind just stays there running around and causing us all kinds of grief and pain and struggles. Some of us think all we have to do, those are like five of the most dangerous words that you could ever say because it’s never just one thing. And we may think, you know, if only, and then fill in the blank, if only that hadn’t happened, if only you know, it would have gone differently. Of course, that makes sense, except for it doesn’t help you get forward in your mind. Also, there’s some of us that think all we need to do is pray. Now, you know, new life, we are here. We are all about God. We love the Word of God. We believe in God. We believe in prayer. And we know that sometimes God uses people in our lives. And so when we take the stance of all I need to do is pray about this thing, well, I want to challenge you. You might need to make a call. You could call us 800-229-3000. Or it might be that you need to talk to a good friend, somebody who can remind you that they are there for you, that they can hear you. Sometimes we get so stuck in our mind and our thinking, we can’t see another version of it. We have made the story from beginning to end. Sometimes we bypass God altogether because we are ashamed of what we’ve done. We’re ashamed of our choices that we’ve made. And if God knew, then I’d be done for. Well, here’s the news flash. He knows, and he still loves you, and he’s calling you to a new way of life. Here’s a saying for you: secrets make us sick. And regardless of if it’s something we’ve done, or if it’s a worry we have, or a grief we carry, when we carry it on our minds and our hearts all the time, it does have an impact. You know, remember Dr. Lee Warren that was on our show about a month ago, and he just reminds us that we can put our minds to better use as opposed to just letting those things overtake us. The things that are on our minds, whether we’re keeping them secret or we just can’t find the words to share, impact more than our minds. It’s kind of like when we say, I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry. You know, it’s we need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, like Romans 12:2 says. But also, Philippians 4:6 says, Don’t be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, gratitude, present your request to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. So maybe whatever’s on your mind today, you need to tell us, you need to talk about it, you need to take a step in the next direction, I’m not even going to say right because you might haggle over that word too, but call us, we’re here for you. Yes, we are. To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today’s program, call 1-800-New Life. Now back to New Life Live. Becky Brown mentioned Dr. Lee Warren, who was on the show just a few weeks ago, and his book is available in the newlife.com store. It’s called The Life-Changing Art of Brain Surgery. Something else that’s in our New Life store is digital downloads. They are now available there. So, like, if you ever missed one of the webinars that we’ve done in the past, you can find it now in the newlife.com store. So, check that out. 1-800-229-3000 is our number, and we’re going to begin our time on the phones with Jake in Dallas, Texas, who listens to New Life Live on a podcast. Hey there, Jake. Thanks for calling us today at 1-800-229-3000. Hello, sir. How are y’all doing? Doing well, thanks. How are you? What prompted your function? I’m pretty good. So I have kind of a different living situation. It’s not out of the ordinary. Maybe it is. But I live with my mom. I’m newly 21. She smokes a pot every day. I’m not judging her for it. She can do what she wants. But I live with her and I don’t smoke. I used to, not like a long time ago or anything. I smoke earlier this year, just kind of out of stress, out of just wanting to. My friends did it and um but now I don’t. I haven’t for months. Um but she still smokes in the house, you know, outside of the house, uh, all the uh all the time, every day. And I live with her. I go to work every day in the morning and I come home in the afternoon. And then she’s, you know, she just hangs out at the house. She’s late 60s, so she doesn’t work anymore. She just hangs out. But the house smells like pot when I come home. I don’t not talk to her because of it. I don’t have an issue with her doing it. She’s an adult. She can make her decisions. Um, but I don’t know if it’s something that will um affect my future or my relationship with her because I don’t sit in the room with her, you know, while while she’s smoking, or why the house smells like hot. Um And yeah, I just don’t do it anymore. It’s not something I do. And I’m moving out in a year, probably within a year. So I don’t know if it’s something. Sorry. That’s okay. I just want to know what conversations you’ve had with her about this up to this point. I mean, she knows, she obviously knows that I do not do it anymore. She, we’ve talked, just I’ve just told her, like, hey, I don’t do it anymore. She’s like, okay, I won’t do it when you’re in the room. I’m like, okay, that’s fine by me. I’ll go sit in my room. But it doesn’t make me have the urge or anything. I haven’t really talked about her not doing it. It’s not that I don’t want her to enjoy whatever she wants to do. I’m just kind of I’m kind of stuck on should I just get away from it and let her do whatever or should I try to make her stop, I guess? I don’t know. Plus, I also hear that penning of: I don’t have a relationship with my mom because that’s what she does. The house smells like that. I just want to be out of the room. I’d say I have an okay relationship, but I do distance myself to an extent. It’s not something that I’m completely, I’m not new to it whatsoever. Like, it’s not something that I’m like, oh, that’s disgusting. Yeah, I don’t, I won’t sit in the room with her or anything. You know, I’ll just go hang out in my room and do whatever. I’m also 21, so I don’t need to sit there with my mom all the time. Well, but I do share the same house, and You were mentioning that you’re planning to move out in about a year. So, if this is a problem right now, it’s going to be a problem for the next year, right? Yes, and just and just like with any roommate situation, even though I know it’s your mom, there’s you know discussions about how we live together. And I hear that you don’t want to judge her, I hear that you don’t feel bad about her, or you know, don’t want her to feel bad about herself. I hear all of that. And there’s this big, there’s a smoke screen in the room, basically. You don’t want to be with her. You just, you know, and then, and even if you’re smelling like that, going to work, I think that that would be a problem as well. I think the To an extent, so I do work for my dad, and he knows my living situation, and he’s, you know, 40 years sober from it, and he does know. So, I get a lot of insight from my dad. And, yeah, he knows what I deal with day to day. He’s like, Yeah, that’s not really cool. But you can’t control her. And I’m like, Yeah, I can’t. Um, I do what she all are saying, it’s going to be a problem for the year. It’s not, oh, I’ll just deal with it till I move out. No, it’ll still be an issue. Jake, do you know why your mom uses, and does she act differently? And then, and then, what’s bothersome about all of this for you? Um, Why does? Well, she used to She used to have to sneak it because my dad, you know, didn’t approve of it. And she didn’t do it for a long time and then my parents split up about three years ago, four years ago now. Um and she just kind of just started she du did it every day since then. Um I had never seen her do it before then. And so it was completely new to me. I’d hide it from her before I knew she did it. And I was like, wait, you do this? Like, and I got out of high school and I was still doing it with my friends and stuff. And then at the beginning of the year i just stopped doing it i i just i just kind of stopped it was just making it made me feel a certain way but do i um it just affected my appetite and stuff it was it was just it’s not good. it’s not good for you. But I don’t see her necessarily act a different way. Her health’s not the best. It’s almost just like she has to do it. You know, it’s it’s an addiction, of course. Uh, I don’t see her like a drastic change in her in her mental. She’s on a lot of medications as well, just um, she has heart problems and stuff, and so she kind of does it as oh, I need it. You know, I need it to, oh, I need a hit, I need this, I need, yeah, so you’re addicted, okay. Well, but Jake, what you’re talking about, you’re you’re saying, on one hand, you’re saying you’re okay, like, I understand, she’s got to do her thing or whatever. But at the same time, what you just said, you’re talking about how concerned you are for your mom, not just about the pot smoking, but also concerned for her health, yes. Right. Just her detachment from life that she’s, you know, and so I think that’s where I would start. I wouldn’t start with mom, you got to quit smoking pot, although that could be the end result. But I think a really sensitive heart to heart and not trying to settle it all in the first conversation. So it may sound something like, you know, it could be, hey, mom, you know, when you get home from work, hey, mom, how are you doing? She’ll say fine because that’s what we do. And then have some time where you can say, I, you know, I’m just concerned, want to make sure that you’re feeling okay. If there’s anything that I can do, I’m just saying you have to start somewhere, and then you can say, Would it be okay if when you smoke pot that you do it in your room or outside? Because when I go to work, I don’t want to smell like that, or you know, I don’t know if that is a little bit too aggressive, but I just think that the conversation has to start somewhere, and your concern for her is actually keeping you from connecting with her. It’s like you’re trying to make it okay, but at the same time, I don’t know what to do. And it could be for such a time as this, Jake, that you’re living with her and that you could be that very person to speak life into her, not trying to fix her, not to make her different, but just, you know, moving in that direction. What do you think, Jake? Um, I think that’s great. The fact that she knows that it, I wouldn’t say bothers me, but she’ll say that before I do. Right. She’ll say, you know, I’ll come home and I’d come home with my girlfriend or something, and she’s like, she kind of just says she’ll be sitting there, you know, smoking or whatever. And I’ll go to my room right away. I’ll say, hello, what’s up? And I’ll go to my room. Not necessarily because of that, just because I’m going to my room. We decompress after work. But I’ll go to my room and she’ll come in there and she’s like, hey, sorry, sorry. I know you don’t want to be around that. And I’m like, I didn’t even say anything like that. Right. I know. But see, Jake. She’s assuming. Right, but Jake, she is around it. Yes, she is assuming that. She’s feeling bad, she’s feeling shame without saying it. That’s why she’s chasing you down. She does want to be connected with you. And the fact that when you open the door and she’s like, Oh, I’m so sorry, and you’re kind of like off to the races. That’s why a good conversation can lead to a better relationship no matter what the situation is. And, um, and you got to start somewhere, yeah, Jake, it sounds like there’s not a lot of honest communication between the two of you. And I wonder if you’re giving your mom a confusing message, because even when you talk to us here about what’s going on, you talk about how it’s bothersome for you, but then you say, Well, but you know, I get why she does it. She’s an adult, she can do what she wants to do. And so, I wonder if that comes out in your communication with your mom. and you know, I would guess that it’s probably not as honest for each of you as it could be, and as you’re hoping and desiring it to be. So, I think Becky’s on the right track of being able to be clear and just think about what it is it that I want? What is it that bothers me about this? What’s my concern for my mom? And instead of thinking from the other side of, well, she’s an adult, she can do it if she wants to, just let her know: hey, this bothers me, mom. I’m concerned about you. And I want to have a better, stronger relationship. And when you smoke, I don’t like the smell. And so that keeps me disconnected from you. And I want to be more connected to you. What can we do to have a more connected relationship? And I wonder if you can be that clear and that direct with her, what that might open up in your communication and relationship with her. Jake, we’ve got a tip sheet that we want to send you, so stay on the phone and we’ll get that to you. It’s called Common Struggles of Adult Children of Addicts. We’ll also put that in the show notes if you’re watching us online, Facebook, or YouTube, plus a couple of articles on our website, newlife.com. Understanding and loving a family member with alcohol or drug addiction, and four tough love tips: how to help a loved one with alcohol or drug addiction. So, and can I put a little buffer in there too? Because Jake’s going to hear that and go, She’s not addicted. I don’t mean to paint her as this awful person, but here’s what I do know: we’re trying to skirt around the thing that is keeping us from connecting. And so, Jake, those tip sheets, that information will help you understand how powerful it is the relationship we have with people who are so close to us, yet so far away. And we’re praying for a great connection with you and your mom. Yeah. A lot to process, hey, Jake? Yeah, a little bit. I’m just at lunch at work. So, yeah, it’s uh, so I wanted to, but yeah, I wanted to, I wanted to call. And uh, my dad told me, he was like, you know what, if you ever got anything, just call him. And I don’t know. Hopefully, I mean, this would be on the podcast. I mean, it’s like, I’d love to read it, like, listen over to it. That’d be great. So, yeah. I’m glad you cooled in. Oh, for sure. All of our episodes are available as podcasts. And thank you so much for calling in today, Jake. Time well spent on your lunch break, I would say. That’s right. Here on New Life Live, 1-800-229-3000 is the number to call us today. And we’re going to be here for two hours. Let’s go to Alex, who is in Saginaw, Michigan, listens to us on Sirius XM channel 131. Hey there, Alex. Welcome to New Life Live. Hi, guys. Thanks for being there and appreciate the good work that you do. I’m dealing with a unique set of circumstances as far as my 30-year-old son got a divorce a few years ago, and his ex-wife has really been on a mission to try to just do parental alienation against him really bad. A couple of years ago, we learned from one of her close friends that broke her friendship off with his ex-wife, that she was coaching the children to say inappropriate things to falsely accuse their father to child protective services. Wow. You know, I didn’t go looking for this individual to call me. We were kind of disassociating ourselves from her. And the next thing I know, she called and she said, Hey, I really got some serious stuff I got to tell you. So we’re trying to figure out. My son’s about to get his kids back after not seeing them for two years. And we’re like, what should we be expecting and how to deal with the kids? And what someone has been coaching into them? Those are great questions. Alex, we’ll tackle them when we come back from the break here on New Life Live, thanks so much for calling 1-800-229-3000. We are going to be in the studio for two hours today, so whatever it is you’re struggling with, maybe you’re you can call on behalf of a friend or loved one, too. You can use a fake name if you want because we just want you to get the help you need. So call in to New Life Live. We’ve been doing this for dozens of years now, and we’re so grateful that you put your trust in us. 1-800-229-3000 is the number, and we’ll be right back here on New Life Live. To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today’s program, visit newlife.com. Now back to New Life Live. Okay, back to Alex in Saginaw, Michigan. Still with us, Alex? Yeah. Awesome. All right, Mark. Yes, so uh, so what’s your question for us? Well, considering the severity of the coaching that we were told by the witness that experienced it. Thank God that in some instances she was taking video and gave this to Child Protective Services and Police Enforcement, and they immediately dropped everything. It took some time, but now, remember, this was two years ago. Now we’re going forward, and there’s a trial date set for his ex-wife coming up on November 3rd. For the false accusations? Is that what it’s what the trial is for? Okay. Yes. Well, no, the trial is not for false accusations. The only way that false accusations could have been reversed and she could have gone to jail for that is if the prosecuting attorney’s office would have gone through and put it in front of a judge and the judge heard the case. The minute the judge would have heard the case, then she would have been subject to prosecution, but it never went that far because the witness came forward and gave testimony. Okay? So, what’s the trial for? The trial now is at this point is since he never lost his parenting rights and he never lost his visitation rights, the judge is saying to his ex-wife, You’ve been obstructional and you’ve been preventing him from seeing his children. You’ve been not making any effort to correct this or have a discussion to where visitation can be rearranged and he can see his kids again. Well, the judge knows how bad that she’s been. I mean, she’s even been in Zoom calls and told the judge, I am not going to comply with letting him see his kids. So even recently, she tried to get police back involved and have my youngest grandchild recant old stuff, and the prosecuting attorney seen right through it. And he said, We are not starting a case like this. I mean, the witness had to come back forward. I think I derailed you. What’s the question that you have for us? So, we got this is a really difficult situation. So, there’s a trial coming up for her. Right. So, that’s not the issue as far as her trial. I mean, appropriate justice will be served as a judge sees fit. But after November 3rd, he’s going to start seeing his children again. And they’re going to be coming to grandpa’s house because he’s currently staying with me at this time, you know, and he’s looking at getting his own place in the near future. But we’re like, okay, how do we approach the children with two years of them not seeing the father, and now we’re looking at what have these kids been told about dad and what yeah, Mark. And how old are the kids, Alex? My granddaughter is probably about seven, eight, and then my grandson. I think he’s getting close to nine years old, maybe eight years old. You know, yeah, so they’re very young still, and they probably don’t have a lot of language for what’s been happening, uh y you know, what’s been going on. And so and they haven’t seen dad for a while. And so two years for a kid feels like five years. It feels like, you know, there’s whole stages that he’s missed out on. And so I think you approach them with care, obviously, but with lower expectation. I mean, there’s going to be a time where they’ve got to learn to get to know him as well as he gets to know them. You know, the things that he’s missed out on as they’ve grown. And of course, too, they’ve been receiving all of these confusing messages, and they have not been odd enough to be able to sort those out and figure out what’s right and what’s wrong, what’s truth, what’s not truth. And so I think that you You know, you approach it almost, there’s part of it that you may want to approach it as if you know that they’re new kids that you’re getting to know and you’re learning about their likes and their preferences. Of course, there’s going to be some familiarity for you both. But I think you approach it in that way and you have some caution and you invite them into connection. There’s a great book called How We Love Our Kids, which I think would be a really good resource for you both. Yeah, it would really be good. And Alex, there’s an old song, Getting to Know You. That’s what I think about when I think about your inviting your grandkids into your home, and we’re going to start from where we are because, even in other situations where it’s not quite as dramatic as what you all have been through, so many times we want to defend who we are against whatever the accusation is. And what I instruct people to do all the time is show up as your best self. That is your best defense, is not to go after correcting whatever they’ve heard, but become the safest person that they can know, that they will know that grandpa’s got them, dad’s got them, we’re good to go, we love you, and we want the best for your life. And create a safe space for them in your home. And I guarantee that as you become safe, whatever inconsistencies that they’ve heard or that they’ve experienced, they’re going to know the truth. And they may even open up you about what they’ve heard and you know want to have conversation, but I would not waste another minute on trying to redirect them from whatever she has said at this point, and then here’s a hard part: let’s pray for your ex-daughter-in-law. Obviously, whatever is causing her to be this painful to her children, to your son, um, you know, there’s a deep wound in there that we just need hurt to get help, and it’s not going to come from you, Alex. We’ll be back on July Five E every day. We hear from people all over the world who are looking for hope. They’ve been lost in a relationship struggle, addiction, anxiety, depression, all kinds of ways. Wouldn’t you love to be part of a rescue team, don’t miss your opportunity to be part of something that changes lives every single day because everyone matters. Your generosity helps find them. And you know, we’ve seen God work in the lives of so many people over the years here at New Life, and we want to invite you to be part of what God is doing. 99 for the One is our partner program that you can give to the ministry on a monthly basis to make sure that we continue to reach out to the lost. Call 1-800-NEW LIFE 1-800-639-5433 or newlife.com forward slash 99 Join the mission, rescue the one and restore the many. To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today’s program, call 1-800-NEW Life. Now back to New Life Live. For over 30 years, Covenant Hills has helped men and women find lasting freedom from addiction through Christ-centered clinically excellent care. With gender-specific programs, Covenant Hills offers residential treatment, day treatment, and ongoing support that heals the whole person, body, mind, and spirit. If you or someone you love is struggling, call Covenant Hills. Their number is 1-800-NOABUCE. Or you can visit the Covenant Hills website covhillscovhills.com. 1-800-229-3000 is our number. We’re going to be in the studio for the next, oh, 90 minutes or so, the rest of this hour and all of next. So call in. Let us know what you’re going through, and we can help you. We’ve got Mark Cameron and Becky Brown here, and let’s talk to Randy in Denver, who’s listening to us on newlife.com. Sally, you’ll be up next, so don’t hang up. But hi, Randy, how can we help you? You know, I tried to synthesize what I’ve I been married for thirty years, but for a decade probably this whole millennium I have not received respect or Or honor from my or for me, it’s a huge thing just touch just you know touch affection there you go. and and it’s totally worn me out. Okay. Randy, when did this begin? From day one? Or was there something that happened? Here’s a tiny bit of from day one. Uh Like on our honeymoon, she was criticizing me over tipping a a service person too much and and then something else. I but it’s just it’s constant contention. And I can’t even put a date on it except for from day one. And I love it. Yeah. And T tell us a little about your wife, Randy. She’s um she’s been paralyzed for 46 years from kind of the breastbone down. Um It’s a complete injury, and Um, she’s pretty. She’s quite I still find her incredibly attractive at age sixty-six. So, Randy, so you’ve been married not even as long as she has had this impairment, right? So, did you know her? Did you know her when the accident happened or when the injury happened? No, I didn’t. I met her. I had a job. I got a job at a church here in Denver and and I saw her. I was divorced about seven years prior to that and and I was just a little bit smitten by her beauty, and I just, I’m like, oh, and she’s a believer. This is awesome. This is, yeah. So, but then my next question is going to be: over the years, how much time have you invested in whether it’s counseling, talking about this? What does that look like for you guys? Well, a long time ago, I’m pretty sure it was we have one daughter. It’s a little difficult getting pregnant, but we saw a counselor and spent way more money than I could afford. But my experience from that is that the counselor would never throw the red flag when Jenny was evading being honest. She evades anything that might reveal what she’s thinking, or yeah, with me, and you know, it’s I’m talking about going to her again, but well, it’s not you called you called the right place, Randy, because Mark, who’s an expert in why people can’t communicate in the right way, I’m serious about that, Randy. Mark, what wisdom, I mean, what he just said is pretty telling. Yeah, let me ask you one question because you said this constant contention, so it doesn’t sound like she’s content either in the relationship. What would be her compl her complaint or her concern about you or the relationship. Because it doesn’t sound like she’s happy. Like, if she was calling into the show, what would she say? Yeah, what would she say? She tells me I don’t listen to her. and I I am w w when someone’s paraplegic, you gotta listen to them because i it it would constitute neglect if if I didn’t. And but it’s like there’s this myst mystery thing that prevents Yeah, I think it is a mystery to you. And there is a difference between listening to somebody’s words and somebody’s heart. And what I mean by their heart is: you know, what’s the emotion underneath? What’s going missing there? What’s their need? What are they feeling? And so, you know, what I find is that overall, most people know how they should treat one another. If you ask people, like, should we listen to each other? They would say, Yeah, of course. Should we care about each other? Yeah, should we speak kindly? Yeah. Most people know that stuff. What they don’t tend to know is why they get reactive. Because that’s what stops us from doing these things. Now, every marriage has what I call a core pattern. A predictable reactive cycle. And that is driven by our attachment styles, how we’ve learned to bond, everything that we know we’ve learned, and everything that we know about relationships, we’ve learned from our first teachers, which is our families of origin. And so she’s looking for you to listen to her in a particular way, and you’re listening to her in the way that you’ve learned to listen, and she’s like, You’re not getting it. And You’re like, I don’t know, this is a mystery to me. And so, you know, this is the type of work that you’re going to need somebody to coach you through. So, let us put you in touch with a counselor who is familiar with attachment patents, somebody who will challenge you both, somebody who also will position both of you and to doing something what we call the comfort circle, being able to take turns listening and hearing one another out, but not just passively, like, okay, you go ahead and talk, and I’m just going to repeat the exact words that you say. Being an active listener, being somebody who learns how to explore with curiosity because it, you know, when we can do that for one another, or when we can do that for the other person, they’re much more likely to listen to us afterwards or be held accountable by a therapist to say, hey, listen, Randy just listened to you and he really heard you out. Why don’t you do the same for him? Give him the gift of exploring what’s going on in his heart. And as two people learn to do that, and as you learn to explore the history of not just what do you feel, because that’s really important to understand that, because every emotion has, every negative emotion has an emotional need. Not just what do you feel, but where did that come from in your history? You can learn to identify why something is a trigger and why I’ve learned to react in the way that I do. And as you learn to do that, you can learn to overcome what I termed earlier on as that core pattern. So I hear you. You’re feeling very deprived, I think. You’re feeling very hopeless in this moment. And I think you need somebody just to help show you a different way so it’s not so much of a mystery to you. You know, this past weekend we spent time with a bunch of couples that are intimacy and marriage intensive, and we were teaching them exactly what you’re talking about, Mark. And, you know, the hard part, Randy, is that traditional counseling, and we love counselors, not knocking any of that. You can explore all the things, but if you don’t understand why you’re talking to each other the way that you are or the way that you’re connecting, it can be so frustrating. And what I have seen, and what I, because I was just with a bunch of them this weekend, I was amazed at all the light bulbs going on. I just, you know, they say, I never knew. I, this makes so much sense. We’ve had our first conversation that makes sense. I mean, it’s just, it’s really revealing. That’s why I said, Mark, you’re like the expert in the room. So, Randy, we’ll get you connected with someone who can help you with this process. Yes, and you should get the book Understanding Your Attachment Style, the one Mark Wrote. It’s available in the newlife.com store. You can also find How We Love, which talks all about the Comfort Circle. Again, go to newlife.com. Back to the phones when we come back on New Life Live. To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today’s program, visit newlife.com. Now back to New Life Live. If you’re watching us online today, Facebook, YouTube, drop us a line in the comments about what you heard today. We read all your comments. We love knowing what you found helpful. Becky Brown is here today. She’s the president of New Life Ministries, and we’ve helped a few people already today, Becky. And it’s all done through the generous financial support of the people who are watching and listening. Yeah, you know, Brian, what you just said about leaving the comment. My intention was when I started this program today, and I was talking about what’s on your mind, I was thinking, you should put that in the comment. What’s on your mind? Let us know. Here’s what I want to tell you: what’s on my mind: we cannot have a broadcast that speaks truth and life into people’s lives without financial support. That’s just the facts, Jack. Every dollar gets stretched as far as it possibly can. And I know that in times of inflation and rising gas prices, it can be real easy to go, you know, somebody else can take care of that. But what I want to challenge you: if you’ve been listening for a while and you have not yet given today is the day. You can go to newlife.com and click on the give. You can scan that QR code that you see on your screen. Any way that you can give and any amount that you can give will make a difference in the lives of so many people. It goes as far as we can possibly stretch it. You could also be part of our 99 for the one group who give every month so that they don’t have to think, oh, yeah, I was supposed to give to New Life. You can sign up today. We’ll send you this great little coffee mug that says Rescue the One, Restore the Many, and a sticker or a magnet because you know everybody likes that. But it’s just a small way of saying thank you for helping us get the word of new life out into the world that needs hope and help in all of their struggles. And we’re going to do it. And we appreciate all that you give, and it makes a difference. Yep, you can give online at newlife.com or you can call 1-800-NEWLIFE or text NLM to 28950. If you want to become a monthly 99 for the one partner, go to newlife.com/slash 9941. Let’s talk to Sally in Virginia, Harrisburg, Virginia. Butch, hang on. We’ll talk to you too. But Sally’s a first-time listener, listening on newlife.com. Hey, Sally, how can we help you? Well, hi. I have a difficulty speaking because I’m Parkinson’s, so please let me know if you’re not having trouble understanding me. I’m married for 32 years. My husband is basically helping take care of me, basically the only one that’s taking care of me. My Parkinson’s has got top right got to like maybe like a stage three. I’m having more and more difficulty walking, more and more difficulty speaking. On top of that, I also have a blood action, blood cancer that basically gives me like right seven to ten years left because of Parkinson. My husband and I never had a great relationship, but we’ve always been able to hang in together for two years because we’ve been re committed to a relationship. Well, unfortunately, now he’s getting to be really like a bully. I’m waiting to see signs that he’s gonna hit me, like he’s gonna do something. I see it there, I see it in the anger, I see it aloud into the voice. I really don’t want to go. I have two grown children. One is just living with this person right now. The other one is married. They do not want me. Not that they don’t want me, they just can’t live with me. I can’t live with them. I’m very honest with you. I can’t just move out and pick up because I can’t even physically do that. So basically, I’m a trapped little rat in a cage. I’ve yelled at him. I’ve talked to him. I moved counsel. We have a marriage counseling three times. He said basically he’s got a narcissistic tendency. I mean, he’s a really he’s if it’s for him, it’s okay, but if it’s from somebody else, he doesn’t like it so much. He’s not as bad as he used to be, he has gotten better, but not with me. So I really don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m praying every day about it. And I also promise the Lord every time I’ve survived five different cancers, including this blood disease in Parkinson’s. And I always promise that I’ll give the Lord credit for that because He did that for me and over the years. So I just wanted to do that. If you’re having any kind of cancer problems, just go to the Lord because He’s going to help you out in one way or another. So that’s my problem. So, if you can help me, I’m listening to Holy English. Mark, what would you say to Sally? Well, ’cause wow, Sally, I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this, and I hear that you are very stressed and feeling unsafe. Now, did you? There’s no excuse for how your husband’s treated you. I’m just trying to understand a little bit more because you said you believe he’s narcissistic. Has he always been like this in your marriage? Or is this something that’s developed recently? very bad at the beginning of a marriage with the kids yelling at him and stuff like that. I got him to, things have changed a little bit. He’s very keen. Now he has an excellent relationship with the kids, better than I do because I’m sick. So I think he has I know the doctors don’t change very quickly, but I think he has changed a little bit, but it’s what he changed into. He’s changed into more fatherly figure. Now I need him, he’s he’s just everything he does for me, he gets upset. I can’t say I’m in the kitchen, he gets upset. And you gotta say, here because he gets upset. It’s everything. It’s gotten really bad. Yeah, it is unusual for somebody who is narcissistic to have excellent relationships with their children. It sounds like, you know, there’s no excuse for how he’s treating you. It sounds like, you know, there’s a lot of stress on both of you. But I think the first thing, if you feel threatened, I mean, you are in a very vulnerable position, and you do need to get to safety. Do you? I know you said that you don’t want to live with your kids. Do you have friends? Do you have church? What other community do you have? When we moved out of New Jersey, about 16 years ago, and I do have a church, and I do have some friends that I may not be close friends because it was a new church, new pastor. So, I mean, you bring people into your own, I guess, whatever people pastor, it’s But, um, I don’t really know anybody really well. I don’t really know know one person who I’ve been married friends with for over fifty years. I know she wants to help me, but like she also wants to have her own life so she doesn’t come over that much anymore. You know, people pull away when you’re sick. So, really, I have nothing, no place. I only option was I was going to actually sign up for a senior’s department, but they won’t take me because I have a lot of equity in my home. My money is Sally. Here’s go ahead, Mark. I got something. Well, here’s what I was just going to say, Sally, just to help to give you some direction. It sounds like you are under the care of a physician, and I think if you were to if you trust them and you’re able to get a moment without your husband being in the room, and you’re able to talk to one of the physicians about what’s going on, they will put you in touch with a social worker, and that person can help you get to safety and get to some resources. Well, and what I was going to say, I was going to say something along that line, except for, and not that I’m diminishing the threat that you feel from him. I think that, Sally, you are in need of a lot more support than maybe you even identify in your own care. And that may be the frustration that you’re experiencing from him when he’s like, I’m supposed to help. And you guys have a lot, like you said, Mark, there’s just a lot of tension that’s going on. There are some great support systems in your area for people with Parkinson’s because it is relational, it is physical, it’s also the care. So, before you try to find another place to live, Sally, it would be better to have that support start where you are. And it could be that your husband, you know, when you get the support, that actually it helps him as well. I just know that when there’s a lot of stress on someone with Parkinson’s, it creates even more problems. And then, if you’re dealing with sickness on top of that. It’s you just, you need some more people around you, not just for this, but also for how do I do life with this disease and with these other challenges? And we’ll get you connected, okay? Thank you, Sherry. Hold on the line. Yes. Yes, ma’am. Hold on the line, and we will get you connected. Thank you so much for calling in today to New Life Live. Everybody watching and listening is going to be praying for you in the situation that you’re in and just for relief, also from the Parkinson’s. It’s not an easy disease to live with, and we’re going to be praying for you. But God bless you. Thank you for calling out, calling into New Life Live, for reaching out to us here. And we’re going to be in the studio for another hour. So if you’re on hold right now, stay on hold. Don’t hang up. And we want to talk to you. I see Butch and Sarah and everyone else who calls in, we are gonna talk to you next hour and we’re gonna keep the phone lines open. So do call in to 1-800-229-3000. If you wanna talk about whatever it is you’re going through, betrayal, rejection, affairs. We can talk about all that and more here on New Life Live. 1-800-229-3000 is the number to call. Thanks so much for listening. We hope something you heard will help you live in freedom today. If this content was helpful for you, we would love it if you would take a minute, leave a review, post about it, and rate it. Remember, we have resources and workshops online for you as you continue your journey. Go to newlife.com to find out more. And thank you for being part of the New Life community. We know that God desires all of us to live a life of wholeness and healing, and we’re so glad that you’re here.