Gentle Answer

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. – Proverbs 15:1

Think about the last time you raised your voice in anger. How does that memory make you feel? Does it bring up righteous indignation? Guilt? Shame? Controlling your anger involves restraining your impulses. You can learn to control your voice and the words you use when you’re angry, but it won’t happen automatically. How can you begin to have a gentle answer?

First, recognize that simply saying “I won’t do that again” isn’t enough. At some point in your life, after losing your temper, you’ve probably made a vow to yourself that you will be better next time. That promise alone isn’t enough. Learn to recognize the indicators that you’re getting angry. You might feel tension, hot around the collar, or your teeth clenching. The moment you begin to feel these warning signs, take note and choose to shift gears. You might have to say out loud, “I need to take a minute.” Simply disrupting the momentum of your anger might make a huge difference. You can then take a moment (or several) to gain self-control and respond with an appropriate tone and answer.

Second, realize that any argument you are entering in a reactive state will not likely end well. Situations in life will make you angry, and you’ll be tempted to raise your voice in frustration and rage. Learning how to express yourself in anger without creating more problems is a challenge, yet it’s worth striving for.

Third, ask the Lord to help you make the change toward greater self-control. It’s a matter of willingness to submit to how God wants you to respond to difficult situations. He is faithful to create a change in your heart and your response. You will be able to deal with the challenges in life without resorting to harsh words.

If you find that, despite all the efforts to forgive, your anger and bitterness cannot subside, you may need to look deeper and ask, “What am I defending? What is so important that I cannot live without?” It may be that, until some inordinate desire is identified and confronted, you will not be able to master your anger. – Tim Keller

It is wise to direct your anger towards problems—not people; to focus your energies on answers—not excuses. – William Arthur Ward

TODAY’S PRAYER
Father God, hold my tongue when it wants to lash out at others. I want to control my words and use them for good. Help me to recognize when I am out of line with your desires for my life. In your name I ask, Amen

Taken from 100 Days to Freedom from Anger copyright © 2021 by Stephen Arterburn and Becky Brown. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.