Some say finding the right one to marry is easy. But for others who are new to dating or dating after a divorce or the death of a spouse, it can seem hard. Finding the right one is possible; however, a person must work on themselves first. Also, they must have support from people who care for them and know them best. With God’s help and insight from others, it’s possible to be the right one—and find the right one.
- Get a life.
The most important aspect of finding the right person is to be the right person. Someone who is single and looking should cultivate the same characteristics as the type of person they are looking for. Since someone is only as happy in their relationship as they were going into it, no one can make another person happy.
- Small changes lead to big results.
No one is perfect—not many people look like supermodels. But everyone has something going for them. One must accept themselves as they are but not use it as an excuse to let themselves go. Aim to be the best person possible. Small changes such as exercising, eating healthy, wearing attractive clothes, and getting the right hairstyle can make a big difference.
- Know what to look for.
Here are some qualities to look for in a healthy relationship: shared values, ability to forgive and be forgiven, ability to be challenged and confronted without defensiveness, similar desire to raise children or not, and common goals. Choose wisely. What looks good now may cause heartache later.
- Rise above past mistakes.
Despite past mistakes, no one is doomed to an endless series of losers. Everyone fails, makes mistakes, and has regret. But anyone can grow and become a new creation. Talk to a pastor or find a counselor. There are many resources available to help. Do not give up.
- Talk to family and friends.
Who better knows someone than their family and friends? Ask them for tips on the type of person they think would be best, and don’t be insulted when they tell the truth. Unless they are not making good choices themselves, their feedback could be invaluable. In that case, seek out couples that have healthy relationships. For them, there is no excuse good enough to give up, so they persevere.
- Be open to online dating.
Many couples have been successful in meeting online. But others have run into problems—from being deceived to being harmed. Millions of people are online every day, and there are many different types of dating websites. When going online, use common sense and seek reputable websites. Never send money to anyone. Always take proper precautions such as meeting in a public place. Be honest when creating a profile, and ask a friend to help. Make sure to establish boundaries.
- Consider blind dates.
Why not? Just use the same common sense as in dating anyone for the first time. Going to a friend’s home for dinner or a party would be a good blind date. Get to know someone in a group setting, and let nature take its course. Keep it simple—get a bite to eat after an event or church. It doesn’t have to be a fancy dinner; it can just be coffee.
- Look in the right places.
If looking for someone who cares, try going to the local soup kitchen and seeing who is volunteering. Likewise, if wanting an individual who is good with kids, look for a coach, teacher, or mentor. Want a person of faith? Go to a church or Bible study. And if the ideal man or woman is someone with purpose, ask what they want in life.
- Expect a real human being, not a perfect person.
No one is going to be everything and have everything a future spouse could ever dreamed of. There are no perfect people; everyone makes mistakes. So, relax a little and allow for human frailty.
- Be patient.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. So, it’ll take some time to find the right person. Along the way, find a few good friends to turn to for help after a heartbreak or someone to turn to give advice when a relationship is going well. Searching for the one may lead to hurt. But keep at it—there are good people out there. All it could take is one more date to finding the right one.
Want to find the one but don’t know where to start? Read Steve Arterburn’s book, Is This the One? To order, call 800 NEW-LIFE.