The 5 A’s of a Good Apology

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship without any conflict? No. Even the strongest relationships experience disagreements—conflict is a normal part of life. What makes some relationships succeed while others fail is the ability to repair after a rupture has occurred in a relationship. As Matthew 5:24 (NLT) reminds us, we should “go and be reconciled” to those we have hurt. One of the most effective ways to repair a relationship is through a good apology. To guide you, there are Five A’s of a good apology.

1. Admit
   Begin by taking full responsibility for your actions. Avoid vague apologies like “Sorry if I hurt you,” and instead clearly admit what you did wrong. For example, you might say, “I admit that I got angry at you and raised my voice.” By acknowledging your specific actions, you are taking the first essential step toward offering a sincere and effective apology.

2. Ask
   It takes courage to admit that you hurt someone, but that alone is not enough for a good apology. After acknowledging that your actions were wrong, take the next step and ask the person you hurt how your actions affected them. By doing this, you demonstrate humility and a genuine desire to understand their experience.
   Some questions you might ask include:
   • “How did that impact you?”
   • “What was that like for you?”
   • “How did you feel when that happened?”

3. Acknowledge
   Communicate that your actions caused the other person pain. By acknowledging the hurt you caused—whether knowingly or unknowingly—you demonstrate empathy and validate their feelings. After asking how your actions affected them, take the time to truly listen and then acknowledge their emotions. For example, you might say, “I can understand why that was upsetting.”
   

4. Amend
   Acknowledging how your actions caused someone emotional pain is not enough. You must take it a step further by making amends. By making amends, you are helping to repair the relationship and rebuild trust.
   Examples of making amends include:
   • Paying back any money owed
   • Replacing what was broken
   • Changing behaviors that caused the rupture

5. Accountability
   An apology that is sincere also includes a plan to prevent future harm. Without a plan for accountability, unhealthy patterns will often continue. Develop a plan of how you’ll handle things differently in the future. And commit to having accountability in the form of having an accountability partner, attending a New Life Recovery Group, or seeing a New Life Counselor or Coach.

Anyone can say “sorry.” But when you practice the Five A’s—Admit, Ask, Acknowledge, Amend, and Accountability—you’re not just apologizing. You’re building a stronger, healthier relationship that is more likely to stand the test of time.  Do you need help with making a good apology? Call 800-NEW-LIFE.

by Marc Cameron