Anger and Grief

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. – Psalm 147:3

Grief is a universal experience. Yet each person will react and respond in his or her own way. You might have heard the concept that grief has stages that occur. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a psychiatrist, is credited with giving names to the stages in the grief process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Grief is caused by loss of any type, not just death. A person can experience loss in many ways and might not recognize how grief is affecting his or her life.

The anger stage occurs when you have to move on, and the loss you experienced is a stark contrast to the reality you had hoped for. You will experience frustration, irritation, and say things like “it’s not fair,” “God failed me,” and “why me?” You might not realize you are becoming stuck in the anger stage, because your argument feels justified.

Sometimes the loss is so far removed from your anger that you might not connect the dots. You might not recognize that the anger you experience every day is tied to a loss in your past. You might be stuck in the anger stage as a defense to keep you from being vulnerable to experiencing loss ever again. Of course, that is impossible, because loss is a part of life.

What can you do if you recognize that your anger is anchored in grief? Attend to the loss through reading about grief, counseling, or a grief group. Recognizing that your anger might be a grief stage where you are stuck can allow healing to begin.

I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief. – Isaac Rowe

After a while, the anger I felt just sort of became part of me, like it was the only way I knew how to handle the grief. I didn’t like who I’d become, but I was stuck in this horrible cycle of questions and blame. – Nicholas Sparks

Sharing our stories can also be a means of healing. Grief and loss may isolate us, and anger may alienate us. Shared with others, these emotions can be powerfully uniting, as we see that we are not alone, and realize that others weep with us. – Susan Wittig Albert

TODAY’S PRAYER

Lord Jesus, my heart is broken with grief, and I am recognizing the damage it is causing in my life. I ask for your comfort and care as I offer to you this very painful wound. Thank you for your grace and mercy in my life. In your name I pray, Amen.

Taken from 100 Days to Freedom from Anger copyright © 2021 by Stephen Arterburn and Becky Brown. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.