In a friends-with-benefits world, can sex still glorify God? Yes! Sex in marriage was created by God and can be extremely good. But pornography, exploitation, child abuse, infidelity, and more show people can misuse sex for the bad. Not only does it dishonor God, but it also hurts others. Whether you’re newly married, engaged, dating someone, or single—you can follow God’s purpose for sex in your life.
There are seven reasons God designed sex.
1. Oneness.
Within a committed, monogamous marriage between a husband and wife, God created sex for a man and woman to experience oneness. Sex is a way for both husbands and wives to become one physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Genesis 2:24 (NLT) says, “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
2. Procreation.
Another reason why God created sex was, in part, for children. God’s first commandment in Genesis 1:28 to Adam and Eve was to “Be fruitful, and multiply.” In other words, God was encouraging them to get married, have sex, and make babies. Not all couples can have children, for a variety of reasons, but part of God’s plan for sex is procreation.
3. Selflessness.
Real intimacy in marriage is about being selfless—not selfish. Selflessness is the key to great emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy in marriage. When one spouse puts the other first, wanting them to have a satisfying sexual experience, they will be given a satisfying experience right back.
4. Faithfulness.
Though the world promotes sex with multiple partners, God’s design is the exact opposite; sex and sexual satisfaction is for a husband and wife for life. This means that no sexual gratification should be fulfilled outside of marriage, including pornography, adultery, and emotional affairs. Not sure what to do to avoid tempting situations, especially texting others? Laura Mangin-McDonald, leader at our Restore Workshop, says, “Here’s a litmus test for sending appropriate communication: If your spouse were sitting beside you, would they read the content of your message and give you a thumbs up?” Men who struggle with sexual integrity can attend Every Man’s Battle; women who’ve been sexually betrayed can attend Restore.
5. Connection.
Being connected is the foundation for a good marriage. Where does disconnection start? It starts in the kitchen or living room long before the bedroom. Couples should set aside time to cultivate their connection by listening, talking about their feelings, building each other up, sharing about their day, working through disagreements, and praying. When husbands and wives take the time to make positive deposits each day to build up their emotional intimacy, it will pay off later in their physical intimacy.
6. Safety.
Nothing is more detrimental to God’s design for sex than for it to be unsafe. It is crucial for every Christian marriage to have boundaries. To participate in any unsafe behavior, including pornography, or to force one spouse to participate in anything that makes them uncomfortable will undermine safety God designed for sex.
Though Scripture has been misused, nothing in the Bible allows for abuse. “There is no dictator, doormat marriage that is acceptable in any Bible that I’ve ever seen.”—Steve Arterburn
7. Pleasure.
One of the most important reasons why God created sex is for pleasure. Sexual intimacy is for a couple to delight in—not make it a duty. This is not to say that a man’s pleasure is more important than a woman’s; it isn’t. Just as a husband and wife are equal in God’s eyes, so a wife’s pleasure is just important as her husband’s. If there’s any doubt, all one must do is read Song of Solomon to see that sex is about pleasure for both husbands and wives. They can celebrate the joy that comes from the sexual union.
Want a closer, more intimate marriage? Join us for our Intimacy in Marriage Workshop. Call 800-639-5433 to find out more.
by Kimberlee Bousman
